Dance with fire

update02

2004-09-18T20:02:00.000+08:00

hi. i have just read my previous post. and i conclude that it is totally banal and uncalled for. but who cares.
hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii potarrrrrrrrrtoe! :]
i'm so tired. arghhhhhh. anyway this is a blog, not an outlet to complain, complain, complain.
hey wait a second.. heh. anyway, didn't do much today.. had english oral.. jsut crapped my way through.. as always.. oh well what to do.. you're born with a mouth might as well use it..
HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAA.
okay now i'm less stressed.
you know i think i am corrupted. i don't know why. is the human race corrupted? yes. but if i'm not corrupted, i'm abnormal, and that in itself makes me corrupted. you know?? oh well.
lalalala. i wanted to watch the Trocks but i didn't. so sad ah. my HOLY COW YOU SHOULD SEE THEIR TURNS MAN. WOAHHHHHHHHH.
oh YA had my first majors exam! i was majorly nervous. didn't really MAXIMISE my fucking technique. oh WELL. what to do. can't do anything about it. so might as well forget it.
ladidah. LADIDAH. must change the bloody layout. its screwed up on me. heh!

update.

2004-09-04T13:36:00.000+08:00

finally i am updating the blog. oh well. so many things to do and so many people to think about and all. feeling a bit down because of some people. actually, one person. and i get pissed with myself everytime i think of how despite everything that happened i still love that person. so, so much. even if things don'twork out, i'll never forget anything.. anything that happened these past few months. i love him and i curse myself for it. damn. what's love anyway?

is love a feeling?

is love an illusion?

is love a universal truth?

is love existent?

is love real?

is love really love?

is love infatuation?

is love forever?

personally i don't think so.

i will remember you.. will you remember me?

don't let your life pass you by..

weep not for the memories.

you look at the wounds and ask, why, belle, why?

but do you really care?

or do you think it's what you have to say?

do you mean it?

so tired of this straight line..

and everywhere you turn..

vultures and thieves at your back

the storm keeps on twisting

you keep on building the lie

that you make up for all that you lack

it don't make no difference

escaping one last time

it's easier to believe

in this sweet madness

oh this glorious sadness

that brings me to my knees

you're in the arms of the angel

fly away.. from here

from this dark, cold hotel room

and the endlessness that you fear..

you are pulled from the wreckage

from your silent reverie

you're in the arms of the angel..

may you find

some comfort here.

let's escape.. let's just run to the edge of the earth and jump off. so tired. something has already happened, even if things work out we can't pretend it never did, it's not the same anymore but i don't want it to end.. i don't want anything to end.

i'm scared.

[whee]

2004-04-15T21:56:00.000+08:00

hi. am really tired. will be short entry. ah wells napfa was better than expected.. yayee=) didn't go for dance today had DNAzymes talk at science centre. aha got church tomorrow.. can't wait heehee.. but still owe gomez ice cream sigh

[shadows]

2004-04-11T20:34:00.000+08:00

The shadows are a distracting place
Shadows disillusion you.
Why wait in the shadows?
Why watch in the shadows?
Come out..
Come out.
Break free
from apparent unbreakable bonds
Break free
Come..
Come to me.
Shadows are no longer..
Light empowers
Light fills
Emptiness will never be banished
Shadows will never disappear
But stand with your face up
Shadows you will see not.
Emptiness must be filled..
Shadows must be brightened.
Come..
Come out
Come to me
Come and brighten those shadows
Make them disappear.
They will.
I know you can do it
You can do it
If you only try.
You know who you are.
Come.

[fire]

2004-04-11T20:30:00.000+08:00

Fire
You lick
You roar
You scream
You empower me
Fire
You devour
You discern...
You depress
You inspire
Fire
Nothing but
Fire
Only you can do this
Only you can make me
So enflamed...
Fire
Fire?
Are you there?
Are you gone?
Please say no?
Don't say yes?
Fire...?
Fire
You tear
You torture
You instigate
You instill fear..
Fire
You dispel
You digress
You lap up my
bleeding heart.
Fire...
I can only do
this
I can only
give all
give my soul
my heart
myself
to you
may I have this dance?
Fire
may I dance with you

[sheesh]

2004-04-10T22:15:00.000+08:00

SERIOUSLY.
people should come up with their own poems.
copying people's poems is just totally
LAME.
serious lack of
originality.
anyway
I'm really tired.
went cycling yesterday with constance stephanie adele yuetong grace laura alicia sam.. who else ah. sorry ah
I very blur now
very tired
very tired
very
tired.
chehh!
hehh
sorry ah if I forgot your name. =)
my inner thighs hurt like hell man!
xu jie stretched us like mad again
he's obsessed with stretching
he has a nice arch.. hehh
OH I LOVE THAT SONG SOMEWHERE ONLY WE KNOW
I LOVE IT
I LOVE IT
I LOVE IT!
agahhahaha
CHEH OHEY POTATOEY BESTIE! but I don't think you're reading this though haha
I don't know why I'm going to the sleeping beauty audition
I'm obviously not going to get in
[and tingzhi thinks she will.. hehh]
i bet christina will get the young aurora part............
i saw her extensions.....
she is a strange thing.
I'm SO TIRED
TIRED
TIRED.
I bought a notebook from ig's heaven..
it has a monogram of egyptian stick figures..
maybe I should show it to mr ang..
hehh
I'm TIRED
AND BORED
HEHH
oh yeah
josh...
I'm not convinced
try somemore.
COME OUT OF THE SHADOWS!
I just realised what you meant.
you and your sweet tongue..
eat too much strawberry yogurt already.
I'M TIRED
I'M GOING TO SLEEP
ARGH
GOODNIGHT
PS
YU YUN I AM GOING TO KILL YOU
A BABY IS NEVER A TISSUE
A BABY IS A LIFE
ABORTION IS EVIL
YOU ARE AN IDIOT
I WILL KILL YOU
AND YOU EAT SHARK'S FIN
YOU'RE REALLY IT.
SHEESH!

GOODNIGHT!
hhehh

[revelations]

2004-04-08T21:44:00.000+08:00

I really wonder.
I really wonder why boys are so stupid.
Just now bryane was trying to a]convince me to let him see my picture
b]call me lis.
I told him to shut up.
Then joshua kept saying that I should have gone for his concert.
I am very sorry but
a]my mother won't allow
b]my mother won't GO WITH ME, JOSHUA!
c]I don't want to sit with giggly bimbos
d]I don't want to run into khairul
e]no one i know is going
f]I don't know how I would react
g]they'll chase me out for laughing too loudly.
sorry.
anyway,
yu yun,
I am going to kill you
I cannot put the reason down here
in case people read it
but I swear
one of these days
I will
kill
you.
Anyway, I am tired
and bored
and tired
and giddy
and pissed off
and interested
and disinterested
and tired.
and happy.

[ouch]

2004-04-02T22:14:00.000+08:00

ouch!
my feet hurt
they were squished in pointe shoes and now..
they hurt.
pointe isn't as glorious as people make it out to be, you know.
hehh
anyway
just came back from catechism
had this stations of the cross thingy...
all the girls started crying when they showed Jesus being
crucified
good grief
neway
*log off! you gotta be in sch early!*
*nagnagnagnagnag NAG NAG*
i gotta go.
stupid mother is bugging me

[pointe shoes.]

2004-03-29T20:00:00.000+08:00

YAY!!!!!!!!!!
I got ma pointe shoes..
YOOHOO..
heehee. i went to sonata rainbow dancewear [duh] and collected my purplee leotard... then i asked mr ong for pointe shoes.. so he gave me this stockingy thingy to put on and toe pads.. then he pulled out a pair of shoes.. then he pulled out this mat thingy and asked me to stand in demi second.. then i tried on two more pairs before he said okay.. haha..
Then, in the car, I looked at the soles and realised he had given me suprima strongs..
haha..
i tried on a serenade [ i think] and it went "craaaaaaaaccc-K!"
haha..
then janice and tingzhi were like,
"eh! no fair! suprima strong!"
and i was like,
er.. *blank look* huh?
haha..
i think i'm driving my mother crazy
everyday she hears this noise...
*tok*
*tok*
*toktoktoktoktok!*
heehee.
never mind.
haha'
and my sister's like,
WAH... SO SHINY!
i'm like,
*a-doi* DUH?
hehhh
ms cheah said one strengthening exercise was to immerse your feet in cold water, then hot, then cold, then hot..
I'd DIE AH!
cheh!
anywayyyy...
gotta go reprepare for debate..
mrs tan and jonathan coming in to watch..
*opens eyes really big and bites nails*
AHHHH!
heehee
cheh ohey potatoey.. you know who you are.. you know what i mean! =)
bubbyeeeeeeeeeeeeee :)
PS
HE TOLD ME NOT TO TRAIN WITH TOE PADS!!!!! UH?

[caged bird.]

2004-03-23T21:17:00.000+08:00

Right now I feel like a bird
Caged without a key
Everyone comes to stare at me
With so much joy and rivalry

They didn't know how I feel inside
Through my smile I cry
They don't know what they're doin' to me
Keeping me from flyin'

That's why I say that
I know why the caged bird sings
Only joy comes from song
She's so rare and beautiful to theirs

Why not just set her free
So she can
Fly, fly, fly
Spreadin' her wings and her song

Let her
Fly, fly fly
For the whole world to see
She's like caged bird
Fly, fly
Ooh just let her fly

Just let her fly
Just let her fly
Spread the wings
Spread the beauty

[prove it]

2004-03-15T21:59:00.000+08:00

you think love exists?
you think it's possible?
despite what you've been through
you actually still think
love prevails?
you think people stay together?
you think true love exists?
you think you can love someone
so much
you think love is that simple?

this ain't love
there ain't no such thing as love
love is an illusion
an illusion created to disillusion you

love
it's nothing but a lie

you still think love exists?
prove it

[ugh]

2004-03-15T21:47:00.000+08:00

WHAT IS EVERYBODY'S PROBLEM?
ALL THE GUYS HAVING PMS TODAY IS IT?
HUH????????
ESPECIALLY MY BLOODY NEIGHBOUR
IF YOU ARE READING THIS
GOOD FOR YOU
I DON'T GET IT
WHO CREATED LIES ABOUT WHO?
HUH?????
YOU ANSWER THAT
YOUSELF.
AND WHY DO YOU CARE HOW MUCH I GOT FOR PSLE
IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS
AND WHY DO YOU CARE WHETHER I WAS ON TV
IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS
AND WHY DO YOU CARE WHO I LIKE
IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS
AND WHY DO YOU CARE WHO JOSHUA LIKES
IT'S NONE OF YOUR BLOODY BUSINESS EITHER
YOU THINK YOU'RE DAMN BIG?
REALITY CHECK!!

YOU'RE NOTHING.

NOTHING BUT A PATHETIC LIAR
WHO ACCUSES OTHER PEOPLE OF LYING
AND YOU SAY I'M BLIND?
PISS OFF AND GO LOOK IN THE MIRROR
OR WAIT.
TREASURE YOUR LIFE TOO MUCH TO LOOK?
YOUR LOOKS KILL DON'T THEY?
WELL TOO BAD
I'M STILL ALIVE
AND YOU CAN'T BREAK ME
AND YOU CAN'T FORCE ME
TO GIVE IN
AND THINK YOU'RE ALL THAT
COS
YOU'RE
NOTHING
AT
ALL

[Depression]

2004-03-15T20:49:00.000+08:00

Depression.
Do you ever wonder
What exactly depression is?
When it is felt?
At what extent?
How it is felt?

I wonder.
I thought I had found out.
But I didnn't;
Depression is so much more

True pain is when the crimson flowing from your arms isn't felt

I haven't reached that stage yet.
I refuse to

I refuse to.

Don't try to fix me
I'm not broken.
YOu can't break me
but you can't save me either

The moral disintegration of society

2004-03-10T17:38:00.000+08:00

[Societal problems]
Juvenile delinquency. Homosexuality. Anorexia nervosa. Bulimia. Terrorism. Clinical depression.
Gawd.
What is happening to this world?
Do you not see, ladies and gentlemen, that depletion of your OWN moral standards provides the capacity for mistakes in the WORLD such as corruption, which wiill inevitably lead to the moral disintegration of society??
ANYWAY, I shall leave to conjecture.
It's none of my business anyway.
I just finished reading a book entitled Diary of an anorexic girl.
It was beautiful.
Anorexia.
*deep breath*
A deeply converse topic.
Anyway.
I have to lose 5 kg... at least. But I'm not gonna become anorexic. Gawd. HowEVER, I NEED to lose.. or else. I mean. Look at me for pete's sakes. Beeg sigh.

Do you ever wonder?

2004-03-10T17:30:00.000+08:00

Do you ever wonder
Why people do what they do?
Why they trust who they trust?
Why they portray what they feel?
Do you ever wonder
Who really chooses the punishment?
Who executes the crime?
Who carries the guilt on her heart?
Do you ever wonder
What's hidden behind people's eyes?
What's the solution to the indefinable problem
Or what you could have done differently if
You'd only had the chance?
Do you ever wonder
Why you stick with it?
Who plots with you and against you?
Or if now is a good time to just give up?
Do you ever wonder
What's the point of wondering...?

Bleed

2004-03-07T10:25:00.000+08:00

Deep streaks of crimson
Pain?
Self-denial
Lack of real inner strength
Flowing
Rivers of comtemplation
Wild streams of ideas
Dark thoughts
Rip
Tear
Draw the blood...
Quick!
A quick moment of
Ecstasy..
Stop.
Stop!
Decisions
Regret
Betrayal
Denial.Guilt.
Stop.
Run
Run to a land
Far away..
Run to paradise

Whee...

2004-03-07T10:21:00.000+08:00

Gee. I'm TIRED. I got tortured yesterday and am aching all over. I am sick. And I have church, ballet and tuition today. In my opinion, life is beautiful..without tuition. Of all subjects I have to take CHN tuition. Bloody hell. Not to mention I'm really worried about some people... People who do things to themselves...why?

A [not]nice day

2004-03-01T19:02:00.000+08:00

Hey.
Today I had a bloody HC test. Meaning higher chinese. it SUCKED IT SUCKED IT SUCKED. I FORGOT to study for it can you believe it??????????? Oh man! today is not a good day. Am planning to do constructive with my life.. but haven't decided what yet. Sigh.

THBT the girl will abstain from hot guys

2004-02-28T21:00:00.000+08:00

I need to post this.
I SHALL ABSTAIN FROM HOT GUYS.
Meaning, I won't fall for any hot guy.
Why?
Because in my opinion.
TOO many girls like them already.
Wait a minute..
If you're a guy and you think you're hot..
Tell me.

The first entry.

2004-02-28T20:40:00.000+08:00

Hey there..whoever is reading this..
Well uh..this is my first entry so bear with my newbie-ness..heh
Today..was a tiring day..spent seven fifteen to twelve plus in the dance studio.. woohoo.
oh YEAH..first of all. *clears throat* only friends are allowed to read this. If you are not my friend, you wouldn't and SHOULDN'T be reading this. Unless you want to be my friend and if you're my enemy with no intention of becoming friends, unless you want to read how I MAY diss you, I am cordially inviting you to leave to conjecture. Thank you very much.
Okie. Back to what I was talking about, which was.. yeah. my day. I was actually supposed to go to the asian aerospace show.. but due to some unfortunate incidents.. I could not. [hey the one who caused the unfortunate incidents if you are reading this.. I forgive you lah. heehee:)]
I am very tired. *yawn yawn* I shall go to bed soon.. have church tomorrow.. hopefully I will be able to wake up. *sleepy face*goodnight my dear people.. *yawn yawn yawn* :) be real be good and behave..not.